The "Guru"

“Dear Guru – This guy and I have been hooking up since September and I really like him. The problem is the whole ‘relationship’ thing doesn’t seem to be progressing anywhere. What should I do?”

Let me tell you something: Men are like a Rubik’s Cube – a big jumbled mess of colored squares, that despite the many times you attempt to twist and twirl them in different directions, they never make sense.

Unfortunately, unlike with a Rubik’s Cube, with men you can’t just yank off the colored stickers and rearrange them in some semblance of order.

With men you can’t yank anything off.

Seriously, don’t yank.

Although sometimes it may seem that you need a doctorate to understand the male species, that doesn’t mean you can’t piece a bunch of clues together to discover your own hypothesis.

The first thing you need to decipher is his actions. No I’m not talking about those actions. What I mean is how he behaves when you aren’t in bed — or in a frat bathroom, or the JC laundry room, or a renovated school building, or … well, you get the point.

You claim he acts jealous, but is it just that he seems to frown whenever you talk to his friends, or does he actually physically pull you away?Remember, actions speak louder than words.

My question for you is: why? Why do you continue to be with this guy if you feel that nothing is going to happen?

Or perhaps you do.

You know the old saying about the cow and free milk? Well, it does have a point. If this guy feels like he doesn’t have to put any effort into a relationship besides a phone call to say, “come over,” then he isn’t.

In order to see if this guy really likes you for more than a quickie behind the poetry section in Belk, you have to challenge him a bit.

Don’t go when he calls.

You don’t have to ignore him, but make him work for it. Have an actual conversation with words that aren’t rated NC-17.

Once you have progressed this far, the next step is dinner, or maybe a real date. The whole point of this process is to get him to view you as girlfriend material, rather than the girl he calls for a good time.

It may be that he really does like you, and happens to be afraid of commitment. But you can’t believe all the urban relationships myths. If so, almost every strong couple would be started by a one-night stand.

A dear friend of mine happened to have this hope in her heart in a similar situation, only to discover one night that her special “friend” was finding someone else special as well.

But just because my friend’s guy happened to be one small fry short of a McDonald’s Happy Meal, doesn’t mean your guy is just as stupid.

What you need to do is determine how strong your attachment is to this man, and then go from there. If he is really worth fighting for, then start playing a little bit of the game and make him work for it.

If not, then don’t forget there are greener pastures out there. In fact, Duke is just 30 minutes away.