Dating game: Celebs that truly deserve each other
Milwaukee Journal Sentinal / From KRT
Campus
Ah, celebrities.
What they bring to our lives. ... A sense of style. A touch
of glamour. An easy target.
Ours is a nation that loves its love-hate relationship with
the stars – just look at the millions of tabloids sold
each week and the near-endless list of TV shows devoted to
who wore what when they showed up with so-and-so.
Britney, Jacko, all of you out there in Tinseltown or making
the rounds of the jet-set hot spots, this one’s for
you. We’ve put our finest matchmaking skills to work,
pairing you up with someone who’ll give you just as
much happiness as you’ve given us over the years.
Really.
And no need to have your personal assistant thank us in a
thoughtful pre-printed notecard that comes with a glossy 8 x
10 photo of yourself. This one’s from the heart.
BRITNEY SPEARS AND MICHAEL JACKSON
Britney started 2004 by demonstrating that she’ll go
for a sham marriage if there’s a headline to be
grabbed, and her album could use a bit of a bustier ... er,
we mean boost. And isn’t Michael overdue to get married
again to improve his public image?
ERIC BENET AND MARIAH CAREY
His oft-delayed album is still in limbo, and mere mention of
his name tends to elicit a hostile chorus of “How could
he cheat on Halle Berry?” Mariah is still struggling to
be taken seriously after her miniskirted meltdown in 2001.
There’s no better time than now for them to rekindle
for real the on-screen chemistry they had together in
“Glitter.”
QUEEN LATIFAH AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
You think she would have put up with that Super Bowl grope
and grab? The Queen would have had Justin in a headlock
– and spared the nation a week or two of worthless
hand-wringing and tittering. Latifah would keep Justin in
line, and he would get to date a woman who writes her own
music, gets Oscar notice for her acting and uses her brain
more than her booty to get what she wants in life. For the `N
Sync star, that would be a first.
DENNIS KUCINICH AND COURTNEY LOVE
Poor Dennis has been trying for months now to get
America’s attention. Dennis, your approach is all
wrong! Health care and environmental legislation just
can’t compete with half-naked pop stars for the
spotlight. What you need is someone skilled at stirring
things up, someone who knows how to get noticed. Few do it
better than Courtney Love – who, by the way, really
needs a stable, low-key, calming presence in her life.
PARIS HILTON AND JASON MRAZ
He’s full of big thoughts. She is not. Jason could be
the cute and clever “real guy” who helps Paris
quit her partying ways, as she’s vowed to do. Jason
could also help write songs for that album we hear
she’s working on, his lyrics are among the most dense
in pop music. Tossing her a few lines to use would help him
streamline his own runaway train of thought. And just think
what Paris could do to upgrade his trucker hat geek chic look
– not to mention to make his videos more exciting.
J.LO AND JAY-Z
Since Beyonce refuses to confirm she and the reportedly
retiring Roc-a-Fella fellow are an item, we think that makes
Jay-Z officially a single man. And, as even Bedouins deep in
the Sahara have likely heard by now, J.Lo is back on the
market, nursing a broken heart brought on by a severe
Afflecktion.
J.Lo’s last romance with a rap mogul went up in a Puff
(Daddy) of smoke, but here’s a chance for her to find
love at last, if not lasting, as well as an opportunity for
Jay-Z to hook up with a hot diva who’ll actually admit
she’s seeing him.
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