Ransom's Random Ramblings

I thought college had no dances, but it appears the prom feeling even rears its head at the college level. Sadly, a man must dress up for this event. Worse, this process is not something that we men are inherently good at. But we are good at some things ladies: scratching ourselves in four places at once for a solid hour, and not asking for directions even when we have no clue of what state we are in, to name the top two. Alas, another lamentation is the tie. If I wanted that choking feeling I should have become a British nanny. The tie can serve as a turn-on for women, but only after they straighten it five times. A clip on is right off, but if nobody knows, what's the harm?

I had the joy of going to a semi-formal, which means I didn't have to wear a jacket and only had to dance semi-hardcore. The food was good though; marshmallows make a great finger food. They are easy to chew, and come in a variety of colors and sizes. Also, it's fun to see how many you can stuff in your mouth at once, kind of like a squirrel. However, the act does not make one feel like that nerdy Sammy the Squirrel who is proliferating his picture all across campus. That squirrel has too much time on his paws. I think that he and his friends should drink tons of Redbull and form a band called Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed. I doubt a squirrel can even use a mouse pad or take summer classes. What's the next character going to be, Otis the Oak Tree? How about Theresa the Tuition Incresa? I did enjoy myself though, and that is really what matters. The fact that I was able to see the ladyfriend, Laura, in a dress wasn't half bad either.

Contact Michael Ransom at opinions@elon.edu or 278-7247.