Jessica Simpson plus Dane Cook equals disaster

Much-hyped ‘Employee of the Month’ not as funny as it should be

Danica Sands/ Web Editor

When I went to see “Employee of the Month,” I wasn’t expecting it to be on the same comedic level as “Wedding Crashers” or “Anchorman.” But as a die-hard Dane Cook fan, I felt that it was my duty to see a movie that he was headlining, even if it listed Jessica Simpson as a co-star.

The premise of the movie looked funny enough: two grown men fighting over an Employee of the Month award to win the affections of the hot new cashier, all set in a pseudo-Costco. Imagine what Cook could do with that material onstage — it would be hilarious.

But scripted, it was quite the opposite. In fact, most attempts to be funny were awkward, evoking only silence, blank stares and the occasional chuckle from the audience. Cook lacked his usual charisma.

His character, Zack Bradley, showed a hint of Dane-ness in the first few minutes of the movie when he was slacking off, mouthing off and giving the finger to the corporate world. But then Amy, the new cashier played by Simpson, arrives on the scene and Dane’s slacker character tries to morph into a model employee.

This leads to a competition as pretentious head-cashier Vince, aka “the fastest hands in the Southwest,” and box-boy Zack battle against each other for Amy’s attention.

If only her character was worth fighting for. Simpson adds little to the movie except her mega-watt smile. I agree with Mark Olsen of the L.A. Times, who said: “Simpson is asked to do nothing more than fulfill the film’s prerequisite for boobs and teeth and shiny hair.”

The idea for the movie has potential but instead of making fun of the fact that these men are competing for a gold star and a new-ish Chevy Malibu, the movie tries to take itself too seriously.

From the moment when Amy and Zack awkwardly express superficial feelings for each other over bodily flaws, to the way that Zack saves the day at the corporate softball game, this movie was just crying out for some genuine Dane Cook mockery and in-your-face truth.

Cook and Simpson are joined by a patchwork quilt of a cast. Andy Dick is the guy behind the smudged coke-bottle glasses. Surprisingly, his character actually evoked the most laughs from the audience. Dax Shepard, of “Punk’d” and “Without a Paddle,” is the pompous head cashier who’s battling Cook for the ridiculous Employee of the Month title. Efren Ramirez, Pedro from “Napoleon Dynamite,” shows up as Dax’s dead-pan sidekick.

After seeing “Employee of the Month,” I happened to watch “Zoolander” and realized that the movie represents what I expected from “Employee of the Month.”

The movie is inherently silly, the plot and characters are equally ridiculous, but it fully embraces that silliness. “Employee of the Month” could have done the same, but instead it takes a topic that could have been a great satire and changes it to a pathetic romantic comedy.

I don’t want Dane Cook to be earnest and sincere. He’s better when he’s extreme, loud, cocky and sarcastic.

I have to ask, as reviewers from the New York Daily News and L.A. Weekly did, “Where was Ryan Reynolds when this movie was being cast?”

Contact Danica Sands at pendulum@elon.edu or 278-7247.