End of the World Part IV
“It’s the end of the world as we know it and
I feel fine.” -R.E.M. Jonathan Chapman / Columnist
In the past century we have survived six major wars,
numerous conflicts, hundreds of scandals and international
tension that has spanned the better part of 50 years. But a
new war has begun, one that breaks all previous boundaries
and finds its way into our own personal homes. Every day, I
arm myself with my right index finger. It carries the arrow
on my computer over the red 'x' at the top of the
window. I click. One pop-up ad down, 9,999,999 to go.
Every day, Internet users fight through hundreds of pop-ups,
shooting them down almost as soon as they appear. Double
clicking on the Internet icon on my desktop, I begin to brace
myself for the impending bombardment [pop] of these horrible
windows of annoyance. At first, I navigate in peace, checking
my e-mail. Then, I make the move they were waiting for
— I check my Hotmail account.
Suddenly, I am in the midst of a war zone. One comes in on
the right. There’s another on the left. Then from the
bottom. Then they drop the big one — an ad pops up and
shakes at me! I can handle an advertisement or two, but when
one shows up and starts shaking at me, my patience drops to
zero. I click in rage. First here, then there. My anger
builds until I finally succumb to the ads and close my
browser with complete and total abandon. The companies won
that battle.
And the thing is, the companies win all the battles.
Maybe I’m totally off target, but these companies that
sponsor such advertisements must realize the war zone they
have created by bringing these pop-ups into our homes. So my
question is, why are these companies purposely making my (and
the rest of the world's) Internet experience miserable?
Do they have it out for anyone who connects to the World Wide
Web?
Perhaps I am over analyzing. Lets look at this logically.
Companies make money by selling products or services. They
are able to sell such products and services by advertising. I
learned that in eighth-grade economics.
What they didn’t teach me in eighth-grade economics is
that the most effective way of advertising is to annoy the
[pop] out of Internet users.
Let’s face it, the last time I wanted to get
someone’s attention, the first thing I thought to do
was to take out massive amounts of pop-up windows to grab my
target’s precious [pop] time. Obviously, this
irritating scheme of complete pop-up immersion is working
because every time I log onto the Web, more and more ads
appear.
This revelation leads me to my next [pop] question: Who are
the Einsteins who keep clicking on these maddening windows? I
don’t know any, at least I hope I don’t, because
I might just be forced to sever all ties with them. Maybe
complete alienation is too harsh, [pop] but I will most
definitely be forced to rethink our relationship.
Perhaps the [pop] problem doesn’t lie in those who
continuously click these exasperating pop-ups. Why should we
punish the people who [pop] have fallen prey to the evils of
diabolical ads? Instead, we should create a blacklist of
companies that use pop-ups.
First appearance on the list, they are considered a low
threat — a [pop] warning is sent to the company [pop]
encouraging them to stop using pop-up ads as a means of
advertising.
If a day passes and [pop] it has yet to react to the initial
warning, it will be subject to a slightly less tolerable
response. The companies [pop] behind the annoying
advertisements [pop] will be placed on the “second
strike list.”
This list leads to restriction of Web site size and
accessibility for a specific amount of time. The extent of
this punishment will be determined by a specially created
tribunal that would handle all inadequacies concerning
Internet advertising.
The third strike [pop] warrants more aggressive action.
Webmasters [pop], publicists and, depending on the severity
of the offense, CEOs, will be arrested and submitted [pop]
for research helping to analyze the [pop] effects of the
excessive [pop] viewing of pop-up ads.
Perhaps this [pop] scheme is a [pop] little unrealistic.
Maybe the [pop] advertisers don’t realize the hateful
emotions some Internet users [pop] are beginning to harbor
for their companies. Whatever the case, the pop-ups are going
[pop] to have to stop before [pop] we [pop] all [pop] go
[pop] insane. [pop]
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