- What do you call a
space magician? A flying
saucerer.
- What is a
computer's first sign of old
age? Loss
of memory.
- What does a baby
computer call his father? Instead
of Da-da it says "Da-ta."
- What is an
astronaut's favorite key on the computer
keyboard? The
space bar.
- What happened when the
computer fell on the floor? It
slipped a disk.
- How does a boy cell
phone propose to his girlfriend? He
gives her a ring, of course.
- Why was there a bug in
the computer? It was
looking for a byte to eat.
- What is a computer
virus? A
terminal illness.
- How did the mouse
get out of the Roman Cathedral? He
clicked on an icon and opened a window.
- What kind of doctor
fixes broken websites? A
URLologist.
- Have you heard about the
Disney virus? It makes
everything on your computer go Goofy.
- What happened when
a dragon breathed on several Macintosh
computers? He
wound up with baked Apples!
- Why did the chicken cross
the Web? To
get to the other site.
- Why did the computer go
to a doctor? It
thought it had a terminal illness
- Knock-knock! Who's there?
I-M.
I-M, who?
I-M on the computer, and I
can't answer the door.
Anecdotes: funny, short
stories
- One day a mom noticed that when her son was logging
onto a favorite website he typed a very long password.
She asked him what it was, and he replied,
"MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto." She asked him why he
would use such a password. "Because," he
explained, "it says your password has to have at
least four characters."
- One day, a ragged individual stranded for
several months on a small deserted island in the middle
of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand
with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he
pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the
message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel
your e-mail account."
- A man and wife were both in an Internet business, but
it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed
computers. His wife finally realized how bad it had
gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he
said "No, not there. Scroll down a
little."
You sign off and your
screen says you were on for three days and 45
minutes.
You fall asleep, but
instead of dreams your mind is immersed
in IMs.
Tech support calls YOU for
help.
You beg your friends to
get an account so you can "hang out."
You say "he he he
he" or "heh heh heh" instead of
laughing.
You say "Scroll
Up" when someone asks what it was you said.
You talk on the phone with
the same person you are IMing.
You're on the phone
and say "BRB."
Your teacher recommends
you use eyedrops on your bloodshot eyes.
Your answering
machine/voice mail sounds a little like
this...."BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL
ASAP."
You need to be pried from
your computer by the Jaws-of-Life.
Where Do Deleted
Characters Go?(As reported
by Joel Garreau in his Cybersurfing column in the
Washington Post.)
Where do the computer typeface
characters go when you delete them? Well, the
characters go to different places, depending on
whom you ask.
The Church's approach to
characters: The nice characters go to
Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of
happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their
sins.
The Buddhist explanation: If a
character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then
after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a
completely different, higher-placed character. For
instance, those funny characters located above the
numbers on a typical keyboard will become numbers,
all numbers will graduate to become letters, and
lower-case letters will reach the pinnacle and become
upper-case.
The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist
explanation: Who cares? It doesn't
really matter if they're on the page, deleted,
undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the
same.
Thriller writer Stephen King's
explanation: Every time you hit the
(delete) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor
that tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds,
drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah,
hah, hah!
Humor columnist Dave Barry's
explanation: The deleted characters are
shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made
into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so
flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable.
I'm not making this up.
PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment
of Animals) explanation: You've been
DELETING them??? Can't you hear them
SCREAMING???
1990s humor from the
Electronic Frontier Foundation site: An
"anagram" is a rearranging of all of the
letters in a word or a group of words to make a new word
or word grouping that still makes some sense. In the
1990s, when the internet was just getting off the ground
and really gaining its identity, the builders of this new
communications medium sometimes called it the
"information superhighway." There was a big
push for everyone to spend money investing in the
internet to get it launched. At that time, people had fun
coming up with this list of the Top Ten Anagrams for
"Information Superhighway":
10.
Enormous, hairy pig with fan.
9.
Hey, ignoramus - win profit? Ha!
8.
Oh-oh, wiring snafu: empty air.
7.
When forming, utopia's hairy.
6.
A rough whimper of insanity.
5.
Oh, wormy infuriating phase.
4.
Inspire humanity, who go far.
3.
Waiting for any promise, huh?
2.
Hi-ho! Yow! I'm surfing Arpanet!
And
the number-one anagram for "Information
Superhighway":
- One day, a ragged individual stranded for
several months on a small deserted island in the middle
of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand
with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he
pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the
message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel
your e-mail account."
Where do the computer typeface
characters go when you delete them? Well, the
characters go to different places, depending on
whom you ask. 
An
"anagram" is a rearranging of all of the
letters in a word or a group of words to make a new word
or word grouping that still makes some sense. In the
1990s, when the internet was just getting off the ground
and really gaining its identity, the builders of this new
communications medium sometimes called it the
"information superhighway." There was a big
push for everyone to spend money investing in the
internet to get it launched. At that time, people had fun
coming up with this list of the Top Ten Anagrams for
"Information Superhighway":