Share Laughs with Spot, the Nanodog
You’ll smirk, chuckle, grin, and guffaw when you read this good stuff! Share with friends!
You can browse down this page for a few laughs or you can use the quicklinks below to jump to a particular part of this section.
How do trees get on the Internet?
They log in.
What do computers like to eat?
What do you call a space magician?
A flying saucerer.
What is a computer’s first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.
What does a baby computer call his father?
Instead of Da-da it says “Da-ta.”
What is an astronaut’s favorite control on the computer keyboard?
The space bar.
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
How does a boy cell phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gives her a ring, of course.
Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
How did the mouse get out of the Roman Cathedral?
He clicked on an icon and opened a window.
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
Have you heard about the Disney virus?
It makes everything on your computer go Goofy.
What happened when a dragon breathed on several Macintosh computers?
He wound up with baked Apples!
Why did the chicken cross the Web?
To get to the other site.
Why did the computer go to a doctor?
It thought it had a terminal illness
I-M on the computer, and I can’t answer the door.
One day a mom noticed that when her son was logging onto a favorite website he typed a very long password. She asked him what it was, and he replied, “MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto.” She asked him why he would use such a password. “Because,” he explained, “it says your password has to have at least four characters.
One day, a ragged individual stranded for several months on a small deserted island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. “Due to lack of maintenance,” he read, “we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account.”
A man and wife were both in an Internet business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it had gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he said “No, not there. Scroll down a little.”
You know it’s time to get off the internet when:
- You see something funny and scream, “LOL, LOL!”
- You sign off and your screen says you were on for three days and 45 minutes.
- You fall asleep, but instead of dreams your mind is immersed in IMs.
- Tech support calls YOU for help.
- You beg your friends to get an account so you can “hang out.”
- You say “he he he he” or “heh heh heh” instead of laughing.
- You say “Scroll Up” when someone asks what it was you said.
- You talk on the phone with the same person you are IMing.
- You’re on the phone and say “BRB.”
- Your teacher recommends you use eyedrops on your bloodshot eyes.
- Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this….”BRB. Leave your S/N and I’ll TTYL ASAP.”
- You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-Life.
Where Do Deleted Characters Go?(As reported by Joel Garreau in his Cybersurfing column in the Washington Post.)
Where do the computer typeface characters go when you delete them? Well, the characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask.
The Church’s approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins.
The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a completely different, higher-placed character. For instance, those funny characters located above the numbers on a typical keyboard will become numbers, all numbers will graduate to become letters, and lower-case letters will reach the pinnacle and become upper-case.
The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn’t really matter if they’re on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It’s all the same.
Thriller writer Stephen King’s explanation: Every time you hit the (delete) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor that tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!
Humor columnist Dave Barry’s explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they’re made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I’m not making this up.
PETA’s (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You’ve been DELETING them??? Can’t you hear them SCREAMING???
1990s humor from the Electronic Frontier Foundation site:
An “anagram” is a rearranging of all of the letters in a word or a group of words to make a new word or word grouping that still makes some sense. In the 1990s, when the Internet was just getting off the ground and really gaining its identity, the builders of this new communications medium sometimes called it the “information superhighway” to help explain it to people. There was a big push for everyone to spend money investing in the Internet, the information superhighway, to get it launched, so all people could be connected.
At that time, people had fun coming up with this list of the Top Ten Anagrams for “Information Superhighway”:
10. Enormous, hairy pig with fan.
9. Hey, ignoramus – win profit? Ha!
8. Oh-oh, wiring snafu: empty air.
7. When forming, utopia’s hairy.
6. A rough whimper of insanity.
5. Oh, wormy infuriating phase.
4. Inspire humanity, who go far.
3. Waiting for any promise, huh?
2. Hi-ho! Yow! I’m surfing Arpanet!
And the number-one anagram for “Information Superhighway”:
1. New utopia? Horrifying sham
Join Spot the Nanodog in another part of KidZone: