Sexual and Relationship Violence Awareness and Response

How to help your friend if you learn about relationship violence

If you suspect your friend or loved one is in an abusive relationship, you will likely want to help them. Confronting the situation with your friend can seem a daunting task. Likely, you are also experiencing a good deal of stress by watching your friend suffer. Supporting a survivor of intimate partner violence can be emotionally draining for friends and loved ones. Here are some suggestions:

If you have decided to talk with your friend, be ready to talk about WHY you are concerned. Warning signs of intimate partner violence include: increased control over activities by your friend’s partner, changes in amount of contact with family and friends, unexplained bruises, inconsistent stories from your friend about “accidents” and a partner who puts your friend down or makes fun of them in public.

You may want to seek resources with the Coordinator for Personal Health Programs and Community Well-Being BEFORE you decide to talk with your friend. Leigh-Anne Royster’s contact information can be found under campus resources.

When you talk with your friend:

1. Ask about her recent experiences and relationship. Be prepared to listen without judgment. Be ready to try to support the choices she makes (even if you don’t agree with them) and let her know that you are here for her. Make it clear that you are concerned about her safety but also give her plenty of time to talk about her feelings.

2. Help educate her. You can learn more about intimate partner violence from this website and from others listed under resources. Work WITH your friend to come up with resources that seem to make sense for her unique situation. Help her understand how serious the issue of intimate partner violence is and the devastating possible consequences.

3. Help your friend make a safety plan. Anyone who chooses to stay in a violent relationship should have a plan of action steps to take in the event their partner becomes abusive again.

4. Use language that shows concern yet is free from blame or judgment. Say "I'm worried about you" rather than "Why don't you leave" or "I wouldn't put up with that."

5. Let your friend know that intimate partner violence is usually a cycle and rarely occurs once. Studies have shown that intimate partner violence results in more injuries than rapes, auto accidents, and muggings combined.

6. Stay in close contact with your friend. Even if the conversation you have doesn’t have the outcomes for which you hoped (ie. Your friend leaving her partner, etc…), keep in touch. Let her know repeatedly that you are there for her and she can always talk with you no matter her decisions. Don’t be afraid to continue initiating contact. Her partner may be isolating her from family and friends. You will serve to be an important connection for your friend.


º Definitions º What is Consent? º Medical Attention º What Men Can Do º How to Help Your Partner º Date Rape Drugs/ Drug Facilitated Sexual Violence º Campus Judicial Resources º Definitions/Marginalized Communities º Is your relationship healthy? º For partners, parents and friends º POWER AND CONTROL º Definitions HOME _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ º Additional Resources CrossRoads Sexual Assault Response & Resource Center Family Abuse Services of Alamance County North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence Guilford County Resources Campus Safety and Police Health Services Counseling Services	How to help your friend if you learn about relationship violence If you suspect your friend or loved one is in an abusive relationship, you will likely want to help them. Confronting the situation with your friend can seem a daunting task. Likely, you are also experiencing a good deal of stress by watching your friend suffer. Supporting a survivor of intimate partner violence can be emotionally draining for friends and loved ones. Here are some suggestions: If you have decided to talk with your friend, be ready to talk about WHY you are concerned. Warning signs of intimate partner violence include: increased control over activities by your friend’s partner, changes in amount of contact with family and friends, unexplained bruises, inconsistent stories from your friend about “accidents” and a partner who puts your friend down or makes fun of them in public. You may want to seek resources with the Coordinator for Personal Health Programs and Community Well-Being BEFORE you decide to talk with your friend. Leigh-Anne Royster’s contact information can be found under campus resources. When you talk with your friend: 1. Ask about her recent experiences and relationship. Be prepared to listen without judgment. Be ready to try to support the choices she makes (even if you don’t agree with them) and let her know that you are here for her. Make it clear that you are concerned about her safety but also give her plenty of time to talk about her feelings. 2. Help educate her. You can learn more about intimate partner violence from this website and from others listed under resources. Work WITH your friend to come up with resources that seem to make sense for her unique situation. Help her understand how serious the issue of intimate partner violence is and the devastating possible consequences. *3. Help your friend make a safety plan. Anyone who chooses to stay in a violent relationship should have a plan of action steps to take in the event their partner becomes abusive again.* *4. Use language that shows concern yet is free from blame or judgment.* Say "I'm worried about you" rather than "Why don't you leave" or "I wouldn't put up with that." *5. Let your friend know that intimate partner violence is usually a cycle and rarely occurs once.* Studies have shown that intimate partner violence results in more injuries than rapes, auto accidents, and muggings combined. *6. Stay in close contact with your friend*. Even if the conversation you have doesn’t have the outcomes for which you hoped (ie. Your friend leaving her partner, etc…), keep in touch. Let her know repeatedly that you are there for her and she can always talk with you no matter her decisions. Don’t be afraid to continue initiating contact. Her partner may be isolating her from family and friends. You will serve to be an important connection for your friend.